“My happiness is tied to how I feel about myself. I want my
girls to see a mother who takes care of herself.”- Michelle Obama
When we practice self-care, we teach our daughters to do the
same. Our daughters are learning self-care by watching us. Historically,
women’s needs have been suppressed and culturally, it was our role and
responsibility to selflessly nurture those around us. This taught us to put
others first and leave our needs for last. We, in essence, ignore what we need
to help us live optimally. Therefore, it’s especially important that we model
self-care for our daughters, so they don’t fall into the ways of the past.
Being a mother to two beautiful children is my greatest
accomplishment. Not my medical degree, or the awards I have won, or the business
I started and a whole host of other accolades; but the fact that I breathed
life into two amazing human beings who changed my life forever. They taught me
what it means to love unconditionally, to protect someone at all costs, and to
want more for someone than I wanted for myself.
Having a daughter brought me joy and a sense of
responsibility for raising a young lady who is confident, strong, caring and
intelligent. A recent study from the University of Georgia found that, the
mother-daughter relationship is the most important family dynamic that
determines a girl's future relationship skills and self-esteem. When mothers
are overly critical, their daughters are more likely to have poor social skills
and unhealthy attitudes toward eating, compared with girls with more supportive
moms.
I wanted to be supportive and say all the right things that
would provide her with the necessary tools to develop a strong sense of
herself, to build healthy relationships with others and know the importance of
self-care. I became aware that being a mom was not only about providing her
with unconditional love, but also respecting her opinions, providing
boundaries, communicating effectively and being open to change. I realized
early on that my daughter was watching me. She observed the way I dressed, my
mannerisms, the relationships I had with others, my own fears and anxiety. She
watched how I cared for myself and how I allowed others to treat me. I wanted
to make sure she was receiving positive messages, so I started to listen for
the underlying meaning in our talks and learned the importance of being
present.
My daughter taught me the importance of self-care. My own exhaustion
and burnout was recognized by her. She showed me that self-care is important by
making me realize that I could not be fully present for her while I was drained
and fatigued. She helped me find the balance I needed to be great mom, wife,
and career woman. I began to take time out for me so that I could have the life
I wanted for myself and for her.
The practice of self-care and taking time to cater to your
needs teaches others how to treat you. It shows them that you value taking time
for yourself and also that they should respect your ‘me-time.’ Developing these
habits for yourself and changing the narrative for how women should care for
themselves and others, gives our daughters a solid foundation for adopting and practicing
healthy habits. This in turn will lead to lower rates of stress, anxiety,
health problems and strained relationships.
It’s critical to develop a routine of self-care. Your self -care
routine should be specific to your wants and needs. My practice includes
meditation, prayer, walks, massages and reading. It includes preventive
check-ups, volunteering in my community and spending time with family. My
children, especially my daughter, remind me to have fun and to find that inner
child who liked to be spontaneous, adventerous, and dance when
there is no music—all things that made her feel joyous and free.
I can’t tell you how to practice self-care, but it should
include taking time to rest, exercise, eat healthy and have fun. In return, you
will enhance your immune system, reduce stress, control your weight, increase
your energy and improve your mood. Teaching our daughters these lessons early
on allows them the opportunity to practice and develop healthy habits that will
last forever.
Ready to develop a self-care action plan and be a positive
role model for your daughter? Register for my Signature Course, The Ultimate
Roadmap To Finding Time For Yourself. The kick off for the course is July 23rd.
The first 10 registrants will receive as a bonus, in addition to the online
course, weekly live group coaching sessions with me. Find out more here.